Woodwatch: Tiger Texts a Great Big Sadface to America

In a time when sports fans desperately need something to care about (i.e. that period between the end of the football, the beginning of the baseball season, and that month when basketball and hockey don’t really matter ‘cuz we all pretty much know which teams have a legit chance in the playoffs already), Tiger Woods … Continue reading

Hank Baron’s Best 10 of ’10 – Favre, Sox, Cheney, OJ & More!

Boy, we as a people love to list things, don’t we? And now, since the next numerical decade is about to be foisted upon us, more than ever people like to look back at things and events past and rank them in a subjective and sometimes arbitrary fashion. Fortunately for you, I have more sense than most people. Instead of feeding you some staid Best of 2000-2009 or even a Best of 2009, I will give you my projections—no, my vision—of what the future holds for the world of sports.

Tiger Woods says HGH "Works like, real good" – AP, Venuist Report

[[Story: From the AP news wire.]] Orlando, FL – 12/16/2009 – Tiger Woods admits that at first blush, performance enhancing drugs such as anabolic steroids and human growth hormone (HGH) would seem out of place on a golf green. The Venuist/phony AP first reported yesterday that Mr. Woods had signed on to professionally endorse Kickassium Pharma … Continue reading

Tiger Woods says HGH “Works like, real good” – AP, Venuist Report

[[Story: From the AP news wire.]] Orlando, FL – 12/16/2009 – Tiger Woods admits that at first blush, performance enhancing drugs such as anabolic steroids and human growth hormone (HGH) would seem out of place on a golf green. The Venuist/phony AP first reported yesterday that Mr. Woods had signed on to professionally endorse Kickassium Pharma … Continue reading

Tiger Woods Signs Deal to Endorse HGH – AP, Venuist Report

    [[Venuist/AP news-wire, Orlando, FL; 12/15/2009]] As the old saying goes, all press is good press. But Tiger Woods and his team may have taken this age old axiom to its most extreme extent ever intended with a new PR campaign. After losing his position as central spokesperson for several high profile companies — … Continue reading

Top 5 Reasons Tiger Woods Sex Scandal is Best Ever: Wood Watch, 2009 cont.

    Here at Venuist – and this goes for EVERYONE – we’ve become uncharacteristically smitten with the Tiger Woods Scandal.  It’s completely engrossing.  We’re practically Tiger’s 12th public affair and we’re coming forward.  Shit, we’ve gone so far as to award Tiger a category of posts.  That’s right, welcome to Venuist, where you can search for … Continue reading

The New England Patriots v. Reproductive Health: Hank v. Baron, 1st Ed.

What the hell happened? Brady gets injured terribly. The Pats follow up an undefeated regular season with a huge Super Bowl loss. This year’s been marred by questionable calls by Lord Belichick. Is the Pats’ luster gone, shattered like so much lamp on scalp? Or is this simply a lull? To glean further insight, I decided to debate a great, analytical mind with a penchant for pedantry and a love for the sound of his own voice: Hank Baron.

Tiger Woods Speaks Out

    [[The Venuist’s coverage of WoodWatch (TM Pending) continues!  Staff writer and reporter Spiral Flag has obtained the below statement from Mr. Tiger Woods.   Sources confirm that it is Tiger’s latest statement to date regarding his ongoing public relations quagmire.  We give it to you, exclusively, in unedited form.]] Dear Fans and Loyal … Continue reading

Tiger Woods Goes to Eleven

    We here at the Venuist take our responsibilities very seriously, which is why we bring you this breaking news on WoodWatch (TM pending). An eleventh mistress has reportedly turned up in the ongoing Tiger Woods Thanksgiving Day debacle. ABC News reports: Joslyn James, star of “Porn Star Brides,” joins a lingerie model, an … Continue reading

Tiger Woods – No Man's, or Woman's, Land

    Tiger Wood’s wife, depending on who you ask – has either (a) moved out of his home, or (b) purchased herself a “mansion” on a Swedish Island with her “twin” sister.  [[see: Evil Twin Sister???]] This mansion, it is said, will be accessible only by ferry.  Ye Gods!  That’s right, kids, never mind the … Continue reading