Minnesota’s ‘Hard Knocks’

This post originally on http://www.venuing.com/voices The New York Jets have their own TV show, but maybe the Minnesota Vikings are more deserving. Brett Favre’s annual retirement waffling would likely prove more suspensful and dramatic than Survivor, The Bachelorette, or even MILF Island. The roadtrip adventures of Ryan Longwell, Jared, Allen, and Steve Hutchinson would be … Continue reading

Favre Watch: Number 4 Returneth to the Northeth

The Minnesota Vikings sent a strike team composed of Steve Hutchinson, Jared Allen, and Ryan Longwell to kidnap Brett Favre and bring him up north for the 2010 campaign. “Hain’t no way Tavaris Jackson is going to be our starting QB,” said coach Brad Childress. “It just hain’t gon happen. I’d rather have the forty … Continue reading

Favre Watch 2010: Longwell Speculation

Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has called in a favor from his long time friend, kicker Ryan Longwell, to heighten the drama of his imminent decision. Longwell has stated that he believes there is a fair chance Favre could actually retire, and puts the chances of him returning to him retiring squarely at 50-50. This is … Continue reading

Offseason Blues: Seizures, Debts, Twitter, and 2014!

Feature Story: The Super Bowl comes to New York (NJ)! 2014 may be the first snowy Super Bowl ever. At the very least it will be much colder than usual. Peyton Manning, king of controlled weather conditions, has endorsed the move, so it must be fair. In related news Tampa continues to bitch that they … Continue reading

Waffler House: Hank v. Baron, 3rd Ed. [mp3]

“Better late than never,” the old saying goes. Here at Venuing Voices, we have uncovered the missing third edition of the popular* series Hank v. Baron. As you read on (or listen), you may be thinking, “Hey, they’re talking about the Super Bowl. Wasn’t that, like, months ago? The one with the Saints and the … Continue reading

Favre Watch: Busted Ankle May Finally Subdue the Favre

Football’s greatest off-season drama has just taken another dramatic twist. Favre’s ankle has been hurting him since before the NFC Championship game, and after consulting with his surgeon, Dr. James Andrews, he will likely require some form of surgery if he wants to return to the Vikings. Favre is not a big fan of surgery, … Continue reading

Vikings, Favre, and the Draft

Last night the Minnesota Vikings made a last minute trade, opting to take two 2nd Round picks (34th and 62nd overall) and giving their late first round pick to the Detroit Lions. The Vikings will now have the second pick in Round Two, and the decision they make here is pretty key. On Tuesday it … Continue reading

Vikings to Meet with Tomlinson on Thursday in an Attempt to Become Ancient

The Minnesota Vikings are preparing to meet with LaDanian Tomlinson (recently dropped by the Chargers) on Thursday in an attempt to persuade him to move from the beaches and babes of SoCal to the frozen wastelands of the north known for their wampa ice beasts and operatic valkyries. Tomlinson, who is 30 years old (or … Continue reading

Favre Makes No Committments on Tonight Show – AP Reports

Brett Favre was non-committal in his appearance on the Tonight Show about whether or not he would return to football. He is apparently still suffering night tremors from his last haunting interception to the Saints, which may make him too emotionally unstable to return. However, coach Brad Childress says that Favre will have as much … Continue reading

Favre-Watch 2010 Beginneth! – AP Reports

It’s the NFL off-season? Let the Favre Watch begin! Possibly more entertaining and relevant than the NFL Draft, Favre Watch follows the waffling decision making process of Brett Favre as he decides whether or not to retire and entices teams away from pursuing young talent and instead going after a cyborg who’s best stat is … Continue reading