Papelbon’s Brain, Self Confirmed to be Separate Entities – AP

    Fresh off the wire. Red Sox closer and Mississippian Jonathan Papelbon’s brain exists as a separate entity from his body. This was first revealed (reviled?) during an interview with ESPN’s Gordon Edes. When asked about a new contract with Boston Papelbon stated, “Heck yeah, as far as what me and my brain are thinking.” … Continue reading

Baseball Notes from Around the Web: “The Tools of Ignorance”

[[Editor’s Note: Welcome back to Venuist’s new baseball notes column.  Sorry, we tried to get Gammons but NESN blew our bid out of the water when Jerry Remy threw in his personal “Wally: The Green Monster” beanie baby to close the deal.]] More odds than ends… Jason Bay began his long marriage of hitting warning … Continue reading

A-Rod = PED [Performance Enhanced ‘Droid]

[[Editors Note: by way of an inexplicable string of what can only be described as technical “snafu’s” this piece by your correspondent “Hank Baron” was originally published by me, the aforementioned editor, and man’s best friend: The Venuist.  Sorry for the confusion and for the wait.]] A-Rod’s repaired right hip is doing fine, according to reports. This … Continue reading

A-Rod = PED [Performance Enhanced 'Droid]

 [[Editors Note: by way of an inexplicable string of what can only be described as technical “snafu’s” this piece by your correspondent “Hank Baron” has been published by me, the aforementioned editor, and man’s best friend: The Venuist.  Sorry for the confusion and for the wait.]] A-Rod’s repaired right hip is doing fine, according to reports. This … Continue reading

NOT Derek Jeter

    [[This article’s inspiration comes from here in the AP’s wire report.]] News Flash! The Red Sox have gone and signed Marco Scutaro (who’s name sounds suspiciously like a cut of raw tuna; yeah, The Venuist used to work at a Japanese restaurant, so that was me dropping some knowledge). Hooray.  Our long Red Sox … Continue reading

I’m happy for you Derek Jeter, I’ma let you finish, but…

Honestly, was his season that remarkable that he should receive an accolade for it? Okay, so he hit a few milestones. Lou Gehrig. Blah blah blah. Big whoop. Everyone’s hitting milestones in baseball these days thanks to these big name players getting their roid on. (Now, I’m not suggesting that Derek Jeter uses performance enhancing substances. If he did, his performance might actually be impressive.)

I'm happy for you Derek Jeter, I'ma let you finish, but…

Honestly, was his season that remarkable that he should receive an accolade for it? Okay, so he hit a few milestones. Lou Gehrig. Blah blah blah. Big whoop. Everyone’s hitting milestones in baseball these days thanks to these big name players getting their roid on. (Now, I’m not suggesting that Derek Jeter uses performance enhancing substances. If he did, his performance might actually be impressive.)