Minnesota’s ‘Hard Knocks’

This post originally on http://www.venuing.com/voices The New York Jets have their own TV show, but maybe the Minnesota Vikings are more deserving. Brett Favre’s annual retirement waffling would likely prove more suspensful and dramatic than Survivor, The Bachelorette, or even MILF Island. The roadtrip adventures of Ryan Longwell, Jared, Allen, and Steve Hutchinson would be … Continue reading

Favre Watch: Number 4 Returneth to the Northeth

The Minnesota Vikings sent a strike team composed of Steve Hutchinson, Jared Allen, and Ryan Longwell to kidnap Brett Favre and bring him up north for the 2010 campaign. “Hain’t no way Tavaris Jackson is going to be our starting QB,” said coach Brad Childress. “It just hain’t gon happen. I’d rather have the forty … Continue reading

Bill Leavy Apologizes for ‘06 Super Bowl Officiating

Since Jim Joyce’s tearful apology over a blown call that cost pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game, it’s become trendy in America for officials to apologize for their mistakes. Hell, maybe it would have become trendy for World Cup officials to apologize if Sepp Blatter didn’t have them whisked off in the middle of the … Continue reading

Offseason Blues: The NFL on MTV

The Cincinnati Bengals have just added the latest bad boy to their roster. The infamous Terrell “T.O.” Owens will join fellow dark wizards Cedric Benson, Larry Johnson, and Matt Jones on the field for the Bengals’ 2010 campaign. This was all of course orchestrated by in-house genius Carson Palmer. But possibly more interesting than the … Continue reading

Wes Welker vs Frodo Baggins: the Committee for Who Wins Returns

Glad we’re done with all those World Cup power ranking columns. Booo-Riiiing! Are we wrong? Sure, we were head over heads in love with that particular — what was it again? riiiiight — international ’soccer’ competition while it was happening but some two weeks removed, we couldn’t tell a corner-kick from a kick in the … Continue reading

Favre Watch 2010: Longwell Speculation

Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has called in a favor from his long time friend, kicker Ryan Longwell, to heighten the drama of his imminent decision. Longwell has stated that he believes there is a fair chance Favre could actually retire, and puts the chances of him returning to him retiring squarely at 50-50. This is … Continue reading

Offseason Blues: Seizures, Debts, Twitter, and 2014!

Feature Story: The Super Bowl comes to New York (NJ)! 2014 may be the first snowy Super Bowl ever. At the very least it will be much colder than usual. Peyton Manning, king of controlled weather conditions, has endorsed the move, so it must be fair. In related news Tampa continues to bitch that they … Continue reading

The Devil's Advocate: In Defense of the Philadelphia Fanbase

This past Sunday night Pat Hickey, a Canadian sportswriter from Quebec, left the Wachovia Center after watching the Montreal Canadiens lose 6-0 to the Philadelphia Flyers, only to find his car covered in beer cans and his tires slashed. Sadly this is not an isolated event. A news broadcast team from CBC was vandalized by … Continue reading

Offseason Blues: Drugs, Prostitutes, and YouTube

Feature Story: Houston Texans’ linebacker Brian Cushing, recepient of the Defensive Rookie of the Year Award (twice now since they had to conduct a revote), has been suspended for the first four games of the season following a drug-test that came back positive for HCG, a performance enhancing drug. Cushing attempted to appeal the decision … Continue reading

Favre Watch: Busted Ankle May Finally Subdue the Favre

Football’s greatest off-season drama has just taken another dramatic twist. Favre’s ankle has been hurting him since before the NFC Championship game, and after consulting with his surgeon, Dr. James Andrews, he will likely require some form of surgery if he wants to return to the Vikings. Favre is not a big fan of surgery, … Continue reading