"I Love that Dirty Water": Dueling Red Sox Predictions for 2010

Yesterday, the New York Times, in their infinite wisdom, printed dueling reviews of the new Apple (don’t call us a computer company) iPad. The review was prefaced as a two-parter with the first section addressed to techies — a slam — was followed up with one addressed to those bereft of technical knowledge. The second … Continue reading

Warren to Finish Education

New England Patriots’ defensive end Ty Warren has skipped out on the voluntary offseason training for the first time in his career, passing up on an extra $250,000 in order to attend college. He is taking classes at Texas A&M in agricultural leadership and development. Says Mr. Warren (ESPN): I try to put the kids … Continue reading

Patriots Make Bid for [an Orange] Julius, [Stuffed] Peppers – AP reports

As the greater Boston media likes to constantly remind the people of the United States, the New England Patriots may well have the hardest working staff in the National Football League (or as it’s known our many Southern friends: “Fuuht’bawl”). Sometimes the long, cold nights, which blend inevitably into dreary, grey, New England Winter mornings … Continue reading

RIP: Mosi Tatapu plows his last

Reports are coming in that former Patriots go-to guy Mosiula “Mosi” Tatupu has died at the age of 54 in Attleboro, Massachusetts. He played with the Patriots for thirteen seasons as a fullback, special teams guy, and just about anything they asked him to do because he was just that damn good. He was also … Continue reading

Spring Training Fever: JD Drew Edition!

[[This actual exchange just took place via text between 33 Problems and The Venuist.]] 33 Problems: Going to buy a Drew Jersey this year just to provoke arguments. The Venuist: You should get one with his OPS # on the back.

Stat of the Day! Adrian Beltre vs Carlos Beltran

This just in from our friends at The Boson Globe: Also, “Carlos Beltran and Adrian Beltre each has had 6,877 plate appearances. Beltre has 1,700 hits, Beltran has 1,705. Beltre has 348 doubles, Beltran 340. Beltran has struck out 1,086 times, Beltre 1,084 times. Beltre is a lifetime .270 hitter with 250 homers and 906 RBIs. … Continue reading

New England Patriots Grow Bored of “Dynasty,” Decide to Dabble in “Defeat” – AP

The aughts may have been the decade of sports dominance for New England. This decade may be the era of sucking. The Ravens soundly spanked the Patriots this weekend in a game that was actually over in the first quarter (where the score was Ravens: 27, Pats: a very, very round number). Perhaps Pats Nation … Continue reading

Colts, Jets, Patriots, & more: “Tuesday Morning Hangover; Monday Edition”

    Hiya – now do tell!   Who else is lining up with us to get our “Curtis Painter” jerseys?   [[Note: take the following elements – Peyton Manning (the renaissance master of the gridiron) and Curtis Painter (woeful and inept would-be understudy and artist-in-training) and you’ve got one hell of a smug joke.]] … Continue reading

The Indianapolis Colts v. History (i.e. the New England Patriots)

All of America – including our team here at Venuist – has been cracking jokes at poor Jim Caldwell’s expense these past few days.  We even ran a fake story comparing the Colts’ organizational caution (some would and have called it err, cowardice) against the Patriots batshit crazy play calling back in Indy in November … Continue reading

The New England Patriots v. Reproductive Health: Hank v. Baron, 1st Ed.

What the hell happened? Brady gets injured terribly. The Pats follow up an undefeated regular season with a huge Super Bowl loss. This year’s been marred by questionable calls by Lord Belichick. Is the Pats’ luster gone, shattered like so much lamp on scalp? Or is this simply a lull? To glean further insight, I decided to debate a great, analytical mind with a penchant for pedantry and a love for the sound of his own voice: Hank Baron.