The Devil's Advocate: In Defense of the Philadelphia Fanbase

This past Sunday night Pat Hickey, a Canadian sportswriter from Quebec, left the Wachovia Center after watching the Montreal Canadiens lose 6-0 to the Philadelphia Flyers, only to find his car covered in beer cans and his tires slashed. Sadly this is not an isolated event. A news broadcast team from CBC was vandalized by … Continue reading

Best Picture of 2009

Showing some of the greatest baseball savvy anyone has seen in recent years, Johnny Damon stole 3rd base against a bewildered Phillies team who didn’t have anyone covering the bag due to the shift they had put on against Mark Texiera. The steal led to a run and the ensuing victory over the Phillies. Honorable … Continue reading

Penguin Fans Confused

The biggest cheer of the night from Penguin fans didn’t even go to one of their own players. It went to opposing goalie Ryan Miller who didn’t even set foot on the ice. When asked to comment an anonymous fan said, “I don’t actually know where I am right now, do you think you could … Continue reading

Hey Olympics!: Sidney Crosby's Gear Missing

After scoring the game winning goal in overtime against the US hockey team, Sidney Crosby flung his stick and gloves into the air in celebration…and that was the last that anyone has seen of them. When the Hockey Hall of Fame came calling looking for some memorabilia, it found to its dismay that Crosby’s gear … Continue reading

America's Cup: Why Hockey Rules in Canada (and why we just don't get it)

Hey America, Venuist here. You still ballin’? Thought so. Catch that Canada/Team USA cage, err, grudge, err, championship match last weekend at the Olympics? Same here. It was pretty awesome. And here’s why you thought it was awesome, because for around 70 minutes, the best players in the world of hockey (if there is, indeed, … Continue reading

Hey, Olympics!: Women Celebrating? Inconceivable!

After their 2-0 victory over the US, the Canadian Women’s Hockey Team celebrated on the ice of the arena with champaigne, beer, and cigars. And this has launched a media uproar with the unflappable Skip Bayless at the helm, for this form of celebration is most unbecoming for a group of ladies! Really? Get over … Continue reading

Hockey Geometry: Trapezoids

In high school math a trapezoid is a four-sided figure with one pair of parallel sides.  In hockey it’s a box behind the goalie’s net meant to keep Martin Brodeur from being more awesome than he already is.  The NHL implemented the rule after 2005, drawing lines outward from the net to the back wall … Continue reading

Breaking: Giant polar bear obliterates Anchorage, moon en route to Carlson Center

Venuist e-reporters have submitted video of a giant polar bear, formed in the coldest depths of space, on its way to the Carlson Center in Alaska. Armed with a hockey stick, the earthbound carnivore made no distinction between artificial or natural satellites. Along the way the pallid space mammal destroyed an unnamed planet, our moon, … Continue reading

ESPN’s War on Canada or, “Dear Hockey, I tried to care, but I’m in love with your cousin…”

Hey Canadians! [[Editors note: here’s looking at you, Malcolm Gladwell!]] Rejoice! Today an American-American (me) tried to care about Hockey! I know about as much about hockey as I do about neurosurgery. I know that blades are required and there is usually a significant amount of blood. Today I decided to dedicate a significant chunk … Continue reading

ESPN's War on Canada or, "Dear Hockey, I tried to care, but I'm in love with your cousin…"

Hey Canadians! [[Editors note: here’s looking at you, Malcolm Gladwell!]] Rejoice! Today an American-American (me) tried to care about Hockey! I know about as much about hockey as I do about neurosurgery. I know that blades are required and there is usually a significant amount of blood. Today I decided to dedicate a significant chunk … Continue reading