Minnesota’s ‘Hard Knocks’

This post originally on http://www.venuing.com/voices The New York Jets have their own TV show, but maybe the Minnesota Vikings are more deserving. Brett Favre’s annual retirement waffling would likely prove more suspensful and dramatic than Survivor, The Bachelorette, or even MILF Island. The roadtrip adventures of Ryan Longwell, Jared, Allen, and Steve Hutchinson would be … Continue reading

Favre Watch: Number 4 Returneth to the Northeth

The Minnesota Vikings sent a strike team composed of Steve Hutchinson, Jared Allen, and Ryan Longwell to kidnap Brett Favre and bring him up north for the 2010 campaign. “Hain’t no way Tavaris Jackson is going to be our starting QB,” said coach Brad Childress. “It just hain’t gon happen. I’d rather have the forty … Continue reading

Special Guest Op-ed Contributor, Brett Favre: Why I am ‘Fun-retiring’

This article originally written by Brett Favre for http://www.venuing.com/voices. How y’all doing, Favre here. NO! It’s pronounced FAR-uvveh. Or you can call me Captain Touchdown, if you must. Or just “yo Brett!” Gotta admit, I kinda partial to “yo Brett” or like, “Your Honor”. Whatever, you get me America, we are straight. I’d like to … Continue reading

It's Football Time Already?

September 9th. It’s more than just the anniversary of California being admitted into the Union or the date Washington D.C. was formally named that, after our first president George. It’s also the day the fantasy football season begins. Drew Brees and his high powered New Orleans Saints offense will take the field against Adrian Peterson, … Continue reading

Favre Watch 2010: Longwell Speculation

Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has called in a favor from his long time friend, kicker Ryan Longwell, to heighten the drama of his imminent decision. Longwell has stated that he believes there is a fair chance Favre could actually retire, and puts the chances of him returning to him retiring squarely at 50-50. This is … Continue reading

Reflections from the Caribbean: Let them eat dope

This past week I was in a state of near-total lethargy. Things like this happen when you’re on a cruise. News was the heinous representation of the real world myself and 3,000 other untanned corpulent people onboard were avoiding like norovirus. The best we could do with keeping up was the big screen on the … Continue reading

Waffler House: Hank v. Baron, 3rd Ed. [mp3]

“Better late than never,” the old saying goes. Here at Venuing Voices, we have uncovered the missing third edition of the popular* series Hank v. Baron. As you read on (or listen), you may be thinking, “Hey, they’re talking about the Super Bowl. Wasn’t that, like, months ago? The one with the Saints and the … Continue reading

Favre Watch: Busted Ankle May Finally Subdue the Favre

Football’s greatest off-season drama has just taken another dramatic twist. Favre’s ankle has been hurting him since before the NFC Championship game, and after consulting with his surgeon, Dr. James Andrews, he will likely require some form of surgery if he wants to return to the Vikings. Favre is not a big fan of surgery, … Continue reading

Vikings, Favre, and the Draft

Last night the Minnesota Vikings made a last minute trade, opting to take two 2nd Round picks (34th and 62nd overall) and giving their late first round pick to the Detroit Lions. The Vikings will now have the second pick in Round Two, and the decision they make here is pretty key. On Tuesday it … Continue reading

Vikings to Meet with Tomlinson on Thursday in an Attempt to Become Ancient

The Minnesota Vikings are preparing to meet with LaDanian Tomlinson (recently dropped by the Chargers) on Thursday in an attempt to persuade him to move from the beaches and babes of SoCal to the frozen wastelands of the north known for their wampa ice beasts and operatic valkyries. Tomlinson, who is 30 years old (or … Continue reading