Piniella Throws One Final Tantrum

This post originally from

Yesterday Lou Piniella announced that he will be retiring at the end of the season. The angriest man in baseball will finally walk away from the game, dirt kicking, base throwing and all. He will depart with three championship rings from his managerial days — during which time he headed the Yankees, the Reds, the Mariners, the Rays, and the Cubs — and as the fourteenth winningest manager in MLB history.

Piniella says he wants to spend more time at home, much to the chagrin of his wife who apparently isn’t quite ready to deal with the tantrums full-time. “He can be quite a hand full during the off-season,” she admitted. “The outbursts I can handle, but if he tries to move that sandbox in the basement where he practices his dirt kicking to anywhere else in the house, he’s in for a surprise. And I sure as heck won’t tolerate him throwing bases around the house!”

The Cubs are sad to see Piniella go but are certainly understanding of the situation. Marlon Byrd told reporters that the goat probably got to him. “He gets to everyone,” Byrd said. “You can here him in the stadium, just telling you to give up. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and I can hear his bah-ing voice. It must take even more of a toll on a manager.”

“You know, people get old, and then they want to stop doing things because they get old,” said Ozzie Guillen, who wasn’t actually asked to comment by anyone but decided to give his two cents anyway. “I’m just glad I don’t get old.”

When asked if he would be doing anything aside from spending time with his family, such as consulting or working in a more senior position, Piniella pulled a base from behind the podium and threw it into the mass of reporters, then ran over and kicked dirt onto the shoes of the reporter who asked him the question. “What am I going to be doing with my time? What am I going to be doing with my time!? Unbelievable!” He then stormed out of the clubhouse.

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