2010 World Cup Football [see also: soccer] Power Rankings: ‘Committee For Who Wins’ takes on Week 3

Hey Venuers, how you doing? Still balling? Thought so…

K, so, look. We’re all pretty pissed about this whole “World Cup thing” at this point…. I mean, am I wrong or am I wrong? Not saying the lot of us wouldn’t do the whole thing over again if we could, mind you.

Matter of fact, we think we just might need to look up our local methadone clinic for the adrenaline withdrawals we’ve been having. Just right this moment, The Venuist is over in the corner slumped in his favorite office chair [better known around Venuing HQ as his “binkie”] and YT Crooks is high above New York Harbor threatening to jump from the tenth floor ledge into what he keeps calling the “Big Cool-Ade.” Come to think of it, we haven’t even seen Mags or Warning Track Power all this week…and 33 Problems keeps sending us 1-3 word texts chocked with non-sequitors as if he’s been wandering aimlessly through some sort of lonely desert of the soul.

Whatevs. All you people care about are your weekly power rankings.

So fine, here: you can have ‘em. We don’t want ‘em anymore anyway!

TOP 5 Impact Performers, week 3ish:

1. Diego Maradona – Say what you will but dude understands the first — and by far, most important — rule of sportsman awesomeness: go BIG or go home. Argentina is killing all comers — with or without the aid of specious referee calls — and their coach has managed to deploy some 20 out of the 23 total men on his roster. No point in belaboring the point any futher: Maradona is the biggest little man who ever walked God’s green soccer pitch. Wait, reports are coming in that Dustin Pedroia just challenged him to an arm-wrestling/Jenga/pissing contest. Sweet. One ring to rule them all…

BONUS: When it comes to sideline swagger Coach Maradona is unmatched. He’s a ray of sunshine in comparison to the rest of the national managers. He’s like a delightful marionette dreaming of sugarplums and champagne and he makes the likes of mean, cold brutes like Fabio Capello seem woefully mirthless. Viva el mano de dios!

For more World Cup power rankings, check back here.

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