US Eliminated, FIFA Victorious

FIFA unveiled its most devious plan yet to defeat the US: fair officiating. And sadly, it worked. Without the spark of having to overcome immense odds and stolen goals, the US proved horribly ineffective against Ghana. I guess the “never say die attitude” only works when you’re being prevented from winning by outside forces, not when you’re beating yourself, something Sepp Blatter and FIFA must have realized. Seriously, how can the US battle such ingenious super villains?

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