LeBron Makes Ransom Demand: Mike Brown's Job

Last night the Cleveland Cavaliers fired coach Mike Brown. While it’s true that the Cavs were embarrassed by the Celtics, losing by 50 points in the last two games of the series, and that Brown has never led the team to an NBA title, Cleveland has been to the play-offs every year during the course of his five year tenure. Brown was the winningest coach in franchise history with a 272-138 record and .663 winning percentage. From this angle, the sacking would seem an odd decision, but the Cavs had little choice.

LeBron James is holding the team hostage with a bag full of C4 and a .50 Desert Eagle better known as free agency. One of his demands: the firing of Mike Brown. No, he did not come out and directly say this (his ventriloquist act with the puppet not withstanding), but the on-going dispute between the two men is not unknown. Brown never called LeBron out in public (though there are rumors of him “dissing” LeBron in some open-mic freestyle sessions), but LeBron has publicly questioned several of Brown’s coaching decisions. So after being unable to advance the team further into the playoffs, and actually falling short of what he accomplished last season, Brown has been let go to appease Team LeBron.

So who might the Cavs’ new coach be? The Cavaliers are still awaiting LeBron’s demands on this front, but they’ve begun to generate a short list in the hopes of appeasing the demi-god. Phil Jackson has been mentioned, since the zen master’s contract with LA is coming to an end, but I think the Cav’s biggest hope is to get Mike Ka-sha-sha-shevski away from the Blue Devils. Like Satan bringing Jesus to the mountain, the Cavaliers will try to tempt Coach K from his cushy Duke job to the backwaters of Cleveland with promises of an NBA title and dreams of furthering his legacy. This move should satisfy Team LeBron, but it is still possible that they might push to have the puppet take Brown’s old job.

Puppet LeBron applies for Cavs coaching position with recommendations from Puppet Kobe.

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