Phillies in Danger of Becoming "That Team"

Yeah, you know, the one that tasers its fans. On Monday night 17 year old Steve Consalvi ran out onto the field of Citizens Bank Park. About thirty seconds after he leapt onto the field, he was on the ground, electricity running through his body like Luke at the end of Return of the Jedi. According to a police spokesperson, Consalvi had outrun the donut gobbling cops, and so they had to taser him in order to catch up with him.

While the Phillies organization still debates whether the use of the taser was fully necessary with police officers, Charlie Manuel has stated that he wants to take over as cheif of security and instate tougher measures against field jumpers.

“You don’t want to know what I’d want to do. It wouldn’t be good.”

But sources close to Manuel have confirmed that it may involve such methods as drawing and quartering or even hanging in order to produce more effective deterrents against future offenders.

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