2010 NCAA Tournament Proves Psychics Do Not Exist

Even Miss Cleo’s tarot cards didn’t get this one right. ESPN.com had 4.78 million brackets filled out and not one has all Sweet Sixteen participants. Only four predicted 15 of the final 16 correctly. According to the website’s tournament challenge, none of these entries belong to John Edward, Nostradamus, or Jean Grey.

As for myself, my bracket proves my ability to see the future to rank somewhere between those who invested in mortgage backed securities and Isiah Thomas. I correctly predicted a whopping fifty percent of the remaining teams, including just one in the Midwest and South regions respectively. This means I will offer no predictions going forward and will enjoy having school spirit for the first time in rooting for my alma-mater Cornell. Still, there are a few teams I would like to thank for ensuring I will see no return on my annual investment that is March Madness.

Georgetown: Fooled by a strong showing in the Big East tournament, I saw great success for the Hoyas. A run to the Elite Eight that would include segments describing President Obama’s attendance for January 30’s game against Duke as the catalyst for a great second half to the season while sophomore Greg Monroe would shoot up draft boards for all thirty NBA teams. Instead, Obama passed healthcare and Monroe is deciding if he wants to prolong being a key bench player for the San Antonio Spurs.

Vanderbilt: You taught me a lesson: when gambling, never go with the heart, go with the head. A Murray State victory looked so appetizing in the first round. The numbers made sense. The match-up made sense. Instead, I decided to pick Vanderbilt for the logical reason that my sister goes there. She doesn’t play sports let alone basketball, has never attended a Commodores’ game, and could only pick any of the players out of a lineup due to their height (Third-string, walk-on PGs would get away with a crime if she was the lone witness). There was no way she could influence the game whatsoever yet I chose Vanderbilt because she goes there. Does this make sense? No. Do I blame myself? Of course not; I blame Vandy.

Louisville: My dark horse pick. I had Rick Pitino’s team (more specifically the absurd athletes he recruits) and their full-court press defeating Duke in round two. Unfortunately, the Cardinals lost in round one to California, a Pac-10 (read: lacking mental fortitude) squad. Losing Elite Eight choices in round one is not a good thing; if you’re counting, that makes two for me.

Washington: I hate Washington for proving me wrong twice. I could have lived with their first round win over Marquette, a team I had losing in the next round anyways. But for them to decide to wait until now to play well and beat New Mexico, who I had in the Sweet 16, is what really upset me. If past results are indicative of future performance, then Washington will reach the finals while defeating West Virginia, Kentucky and Baylor, knocking out teams one round prematurely than I envisioned.

Kansas: Last, but certainly not least, the team I predicted to win it all. Defeated by a player whose name I cannot pronounce and won’t disrespect by trying to spell, Kansas’s NBA talent and veteran leadership were for naught. I am less upset by their loss than the fact that Cornell will not get its chance to avenge the January 6 loss at Phog Allen Fieldhouse in this year’s finals because, you know, that would have probably happened.

So this tournament has proven two things:
1) There is no such thing as a psychic
2) By virtue that they lasted longer, Cornell has a better basketball team than Kansas, Villanova, Georgetown, and Pitt amongst many others.
I can live with that.

3 Responses to “2010 NCAA Tournament Proves Psychics Do Not Exist”
  1. Backwards K says:

    Think Greg Monroe and Dejaun Blair will be roommates on the road?

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