Tom Cable to be sued for Finishing Move

I’m saddened every year when the NFL season draws to a close. Sunday becomes a meaningless husk of a day lacking any form of excitement or distraction to keep me from thinking about the upcoming work week on Monday. However, some drama has continued to persist in off-season releases (Tomlinson and Westbrook) and the upcoming combine. Or, in this case, something more similar to a Jersey Shore episode.

Former assistant defensive coach of the Oakland Raiders, Randy Hanson, is suing head coach Tom Cable for assault in The Situation that occured on August 5th of last year when Cable pulled off a 7 move combo on his ass and capped it with a FATALITY! that involved ripping Hanson’s floppy spine out of his body Scorpion style.

I guess I could see how that might upset some people, but Hanson seems to be more upset that Oakland wouldn’t let him return to coaching after the assault and only allowed him to work behind the scenes away from the players and the field. It’s only because of this that he is suing both Cable and the Raiders.

The Raiders, the most fundamentally sound team in football, are already in a tight spot coming off a 5-11 season, and this lawsuit only looks to make things worse. Oakland’s managment could not reached for comment on the issue, but when a reporter spotted Tom Cable leaving his home and tried to chase him down for an interview, Cable speared him yelling his trademark “Get Over Here!” and proceeded to pound him to pulp.

One Response to “Tom Cable to be sued for Finishing Move”
  1. Queens Street Hooligan says:

    Can anyone sue Jamarcus Russell for impersonating a Quarterback? Or being able to throwing an accurate pass to only Zach Miller all season long? Someone get Johnny Cochran on the phone, oh wait, my bad.

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