Sven Kramer Begins Hunt

After being disqualified from the speed-skating 10K event for following the poor advice of coach Gerard Kemkers, Sven Kramer has decided Kemkers must go. He delivered a note to him last night to the same effect, along with a pair of skates and a message that Kemkers has a night’s headstart in any direction. Witnesses say Kemker fled his hotel room that same night.

Kramer, who was disqualified for an illegal lane change after Kemker told him to switch lanes, was out early this morning sniffing the air and trying to find his former coach’s scent. Having found it, he struck out north in pursuit carrying with him only a single, sharpened kitchen knife and an unopened Heineken keg. I have no doubts that he will feast well tonight.

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