Oden’s Sizemore

Grady Sizemore (above) also likes to attract attention by wearing t-shirts designed by 5th Graders

Grady Sizemore and Greg Oden are teaming up in an effort to draw media attention to their beleaguered franchises. The Venuist has learned that the unlikely duo are launching an all male athlete fully nude magazine called 5 Tool Player with Oden and Sizemore posing together in the inaugural issue. With most of the sporting media interested in whether the Celtics are trading Ray Allen, or Kobe’s ankle, or Johnny Damon’s new team, or the Capitals winning streak, the only real attention the Cleveland Indians or Portland Trail Blazers have received in recent weeks have been the nude photos posted on the internet of their players. Sizemore and Oden plan to capitalize on this.

“When Greg’s photos leaked I immediately called him to offer support as someone who’s been there before”, a completely naked Grady Sizemore said while enjoying a surprisingly small cup of tea, “Then we got to talking and realized that this was this was the only national coverage of us or our teams, maybe this is something we can build on”.

Oden took some convincing. “I get hurt easily… I mean really easily… comically easily almost”, said the 7 footer. “I was afraid that posing would make me tweak my back or have my dong hit my knee and then ‘poof’, there goes 2010 -2011 too, and I’d like to try to play at least 25 games next year, you know”.  But after some pressing from Sizemore, Oden was on board. 5 Tool Player is expected to hit the magazine shelves this spring, couriously in the sports and fitness section. While the details of the spread in the first issue are under tight wraps Sizemore expects it to be something, “The fans in Cleveland and Portland can finally be proud of”.

This story is fake but hilarious. You can email me at 33problem@gmail.com

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