Johnny Damon’s No-Winn Situation

Johnny Damon, circa 2005, as he contemplates healing the sick boy in the grandstands.

Four years after leaving his post at the Red Sox for a shave and a haircut in New York, it looks like Johnny Damon is going to be hitting up pretty soon.

Damon was allegedly offered $14 million by the Yanks for another two years, but the formerly bearded one turned it down in hopes of getting a better deal. By “better deal”, Yankees GM Brian Cashman thought he meant “GTFO” and, while nothing is firm yet, it looks like the Empire will be requesting that Mr. Damon make himself scarce since the deal with Randy Winn has gone through.

Above: Scott Boras, on the phone, totally blowing it for another ex-Sox client.

(For what it’s worth, there are two other versions of this story: one involving no deal to accept or reject from the Yankees; the other involving Damon and his agent Scott Boras asking $26 million for two years. Choose your own adventure.)

Despite being burned by Damon in the past, there is a hint of curiosity in the air here in the Bay State, eerily similar to that feeling you get when you’re very tempted to call up an ex with whom you broke up with for very, very good reasons.

That curiosity: Should Johnny Damon consider returning to Boston?

I asked a local man from Medford, Massachusetts (who would only give the name Bostwick Lothar) for his take on the situation. Here’s what he said:

“So, back when J.D. was on the Sox, and he’d come up to bat, I’d always start a ‘hey-yah ho-yah, hey-yah ho-hay’ chant, and do the tomahawk. Whenever Johnny didn’t get a hit, we’d say, ‘Ahh Johnny… too much Fire-Water!’ Then he left and we couldn’t do it anymore because Jacoby Ellsbury was actually Indian. So, in short, I want my chant back.”

"Err... we're gonna need the hat back, too."

In any case, it doesn’t look like Mr. Lothar will be getting his bewildering chant back anytime soon. Rumors are circulating that Damon’s been talking to the Tigers and the Braves. For my money, my uneducated guess is he’ll be going to one of two graveyards for former BoSox: the Mets, or the Dodgers.

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