Breaking: Giant polar bear obliterates Anchorage, moon en route to Carlson Center

Venuist e-reporters have submitted video of a giant polar bear, formed in the coldest depths of space, on its way to the Carlson Center in Alaska. Armed with a hockey stick, the earthbound carnivore made no distinction between artificial or natural satellites. Along the way the pallid space mammal destroyed an unnamed planet, our moon, and the satellite that broadcasts Carson Daly’s show to the people of Jupiter before turning Anchorage, Alaska into a crater.

Diagram: One theory on how the polar bear managed to traverse approximately 64 light years in less than a minute.

No reports yet on whether the Earth’s tide cycles or Sarah Palin have been adversely affected. Kenny Loggins has been reached for comment.

(Many, many thanks to Justin of Ice Cream Social for bringing this to my attention.)

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  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Henry Beguiristain and Ice Cream Social, The Venuist. The Venuist said: Breaking: Giant polar bear obliterates Anchorage, moon en route to Carlson Center: Venuist e-reporters have submit… http://bit.ly/8yj7Jk […]



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