Red Sox Trade Lowell to Wu Tang Clan for Ghostface Killah, & a drumloop to be named – AP

Mike Lowell, introduced today as the newest member of Wu Tang, tries on his new "street" clothes...

“This is just getting ridiculous”, a stunned Mike Lowell said after being informed by his agent that he had been traded from the Boston Red Sox to the Wu Tang Clan for Ghostface Killah and a 4/4 beat to be named later. On becoming the newest member of the Wu Tang Clan, Lowell said, “The what? Is that an expansion team? I HIT .290 LAST YEAR!!!”

Ghostface Killah made a public statement about the trade minutes after it became official “You know a kid asiatic, holdin’ power like a Craftmatic/ You like your fish fried and battered, like the day he ratted/ Check out the movies from Guyana, just eatin’ in Atlanta/ Makin’ some pirate moves out of Savannah.”

“This is a move that makes the club as a whole better” Theo Epstein said to reporters from his underground layer. “Ghostface Killah is someone we’ve had our eyes on for a long time and we believe that he might be able to contribute to the team in many ways, none of which have anything to do with baseball of course.” Epstein went on to say this move was, “not about wanting to move Lowell, we just thought Ghostface would be fun on the plane.”

Reports have stated that the Red Sox will pick up 11 of the 12 million left on Lowell’s contract but will receive some compensation if the Wu Tang Clan’s next album goes platinum.

Venuist will have details as soon as they become available.

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