Colts’ Caldwell to Patriots’ Belichick, “Your move, Bill” – AP

Revered though Tony Dungy was, Jim Caldwell - not Tony - is the first Indianapolis Colts coach vying to go a historic 18-1

[[Indianapolis, IN – December 28, 2009]]

The Colts dream-like run at a perfect NFL season may be over, but for rookie head coach Jim Caldwell, the true test may have just begun.

“Yes,” he said, answering the incessant questions of  a gaggle of reporters today at the Colts training complex, “I understand the frustration of our fans and of the major TV networks who intended to ‘flex’ our next regular season game into primetime.  But make no mistake, this was a thoughtful, calculated move on the part of our franchise.”

To say a hush fell upon the room at this juncture would have been to understate the silence that deafened the press conference.

“Remember, that not two months ago,” Caldwell went on after a moment of reverie that seemed nigh-Shakespearian given the enormity of the event and the length of the pause, “Bill Belichick stood before many of you and subjected himself to an untold bevy of queries concerning his decision to challenge my teams defense on a fourth down with two yards yet to gain…whilst the fate of the AFC hung in the ballance.

“Well, Bill wouldn’t have been Bill if he had backed down.  Given that, I want to just take this opportunity to say two things to you, and my esteemed colleague in New England.  The first is, thanks Bill for handing us that game and giving us the opportunity to strive for perfection in 2009 and 2010.  And second, if you thought for a second that you were going to go down as the most batshit crazy badass in this league, well then, think again mister.  I totally one-upped you on Sunday and I think I speak for everyone here when I say that while you alienated most observers and fans with your tactical misfire – and you most certainly did – that also numerous were those who defended your move.  That being said, just take a look around, pal, because not a single person in America today agrees with Bill Polian’s – I mean –  my call to remove all of our regulars from last night’s game.  Not-a-one, I say.  So who, I ask, who is the balls now?”

With this, Caldwell crossed his heart and punched the sky.

“Your move, Bill,” he concluded and abruptly left the room.

Reached for comment, Belichick would only say “mwahahahahaha” before swallowing a Boston Herald beat writer whole.

Sources close to the Colts organization that last night’s episode has encouraged Random House to recall the initial printing of Peyton Manning’s autobiography, “I Don’t Deserve This Shit” in order for the NFL great to add a new appendix.  The same sources report that Manning’s forthcoming memoir, details of which have been scant, will shed new light on the subject of what it feels to watch that “total prick” [San Diego Chargers’ QB] Philip Rivers knock one’s team out of the playoffs at home every year.

One Response to “Colts’ Caldwell to Patriots’ Belichick, “Your move, Bill” – AP”
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  1. […] Venuist – has been cracking jokes at poor Jim Caldwell’s expense these past few days.  We even ran a fake story comparing the Colts’ organizational caution (some would and have called it err, cowardice) against the Patriots batshit crazy play calling back […]

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