A-Rod = PED [Performance Enhanced ‘Droid]

It only looks like A-Rod is crying; really, Matsui just farted in the dugout.

[[Editors Note: by way of an inexplicable string of what can only be described as technical “snafu’s” this piece by your correspondent “Hank Baron” was originally published by me, the aforementioned editor, and man’s best friend: The Venuist.  Sorry for the confusion and for the wait.]]

A-Rod’s repaired right hip is doing fine, according to reports. This further adds fuel to the speculation (mostly my own) that the Yankees are doing their best to circumvent current MLB by-laws since there is no clear ban on cyborgs. It should also be noted that cyborgs don’t cry.

Damon (L) and Papi Ortiz (R) in a thumb friendly wrestling match... moments before he ripped Damon's arm clean off.

Boston’s own Jesus-turned-Judas Johnny Damon, on the other hand, isn’t doing so hot. He’s currently a free agent and in the middle of negotiations with the Yankees. Honestly, who needs to negotiate with the Yankees? Their bank is practically mainlining from the US Treasury Department (I mean, probably). If they want you, they will pay you twice what anyone else will pay. Meanwhile, Camp Damon is stating he’s still interested in playing with the Yankees, but is waiting for money. I’ve heard this same song and dance before with Damon v. Sox and I know how it ends. Johnny better start packing his bags to whoever the hell wants him now.

In the meantime, Derek Jeter is still such a classy guy.

Rare view inside the SI editorial offices.

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