Making Sense: part 2; John Lackey to Sox?


John Lackey, in rare above pic, not looking like he just swallowed a coconut cruller the size of Cincinatti...


John Lackey, as Fox Sports and the Boston Globe reports (a reputable source for sports as any, cough cough Boston Herald) is undergoing a physical for Red Sox MGMT.  This – to paraphrase virtually every other sports news source that doesn’t break from sports talk to give you a video of Kermit the Frog blasting the Iranian Revlutionary Guard – is almost always a move which indicates that the two sides are close to finalizing a deal.  Usually, the process goes a little something like this:

Club Official: (to Lackey’s agent concerning the terms of the impending contract) so, we cool?

Agent: Yeah dog, we cool.

Club Official: Right, so before we fax you the paperwork, mind if we probe your client for an indefinite period of time in our training facilities?

Agent: (guffawing) You should know you don’t have to ask that!

Club Official: My bad, son.  Just trying to be upfront with y’all.

Agent:  Nah, it’s cool.  I’ll send John over and he can piss in a cup or doing jumping jacks or whatever it is your guys need to watch him do.  Then I’ll have my legal team examine whatever your team’s finalized.

Club Official: Sweetness.  Dollar, dollar bills son.

Agent: Dollar, dollar bills indeed.  And I will see you at our 6am tee in Tampa this Sunday, correct?

Club Official: (with palpable enthusiasm) No doubt!

Now, there have been occasions in sports – notably after Drew Brees underwent a full-day physical by the Miami Dolphins medical staff – when the free agent didn’t end up signing with the team to which he was submitting his physical, but these cases are by far the rare exceptions to a pretty steadfast rule.

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  1. […] Venuist's Blog Just another weblog « Making Sense: part 2; John Lackey to Sox? […]

  2. […] After the Lackey deal was reported, AP caught up with Angels GM, Tony Reagans on a beach near Balboa Island just after he had returned from catching some truly gnarly waves.  Said Reagans of Lackey’s move to Boston, “This, this is a bummer man.  Y’know?”  Plus, I heard that Toronto had a really, like, super-good pitcher [ace, and former Cy Young Roy Halladay] that we maybe could have traded for, but I guess that didn’t happen.”  Then he added, “I dunno, it’s the hollidays man so I’ve just been kicking it with the fam, drinking a little sambuca by night and hitting the surf by day, na’mean?”  He then went on to reassure Angels fans by saying that he was “pretty sure” that the “dudes back at Angels HQ — that’s what we call our offices, it sounds all Dragnet and shit, y’know — any way, they told me they were working on signing Godzilla to be our new DH.  Which, dude, you gotta admit is pretty gangsta.”  Reagans went on to discuss the details of what he understood to be Godzilla’s scouting report.  According to the GM, Godzilla was a creature of semi-apocalyptic proportions who was “at least” three hundred feet tall, utterly terrifying, and could “dollars to donuts” hit for both power and average. […]

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