On Curtis Granderson, and a Boy Called Theo


Curtis Granderson, NOT penciled in to hit 30 home runs for the Tigers, Red Sox, or New York Mets


First of all, The Venuist extends its congratulations to the World Champion New York Yankees for continuing, spitefully, to kick ass even after the 2009 season has come to its conclusion. The Venuist, and this goes for nearly all of our staff, may not have warm feelings for the NYY franchise – and that’s putting things lightly – but we admire their spirit. Their spirit, you ask? Yes. And by that T*V means their desire, though their foes be vanquished and rivals enraged, to not rest on their laurels, or more precisely, not to take their spikes off of their competitors’ collective throats.

Enter, Mr. Curtis Granderson. This is a good deal. Make no bones about it. Sox fans, tell yourself how suspect he can be against left-handed pitching, Mets fans, feel free to go on and on about how many times a year he’ll strike out. Bottom line? Dude’s good to be penciled in for 30 and 90 and his on base percentage is likely to spike 10-30 points HITTING BETWEEN DEREK (YES, THAT DEREK) JETER AND MARK FREAKING TEIXERA.  If that weren’t enough, apparently the guy’s a budding humanitarian to boot.  Money quote from erstwhile skip, Jim Leyland:

“Curtis Granderson is everything that’s right about baseball.”

Or from Tigers’ GM Dave “firesale, again?” Dombrowski:

“When I talked to him on the phone today, I said it was one of the more difficult phone calls I’ve made in my career.” 

This deal is good all around for the Bombers and bad for every, yes everybody else.  [[Note: except maybe the Diamondbacks who got Edwin Jackson, who we expect will find that 30-50 percentage points have been shaved off of his ERA by playing in the NL West.]]

While watching the blogs and threads it’s apparent that the plurality, if not outright majority of Sox beat writers and, more importantly, fans understand that this has made a desperate situation even more dire.  And perhaps most interestingly this has led to one particularly fascinating development: A Public Referendum on Theo Epstein has now begun.  Once the untouchable, golden boy (literally, at first) of Boston sports, Epstein is finally beginning to be faced with such questions as: 

  • Can the Red Sox really justify a rebuilding year in 2010 when they charge a bajillion dollars to their season ticket holders for the right to see the team?”
  • Or – “Wait, are we really sure if we didn’t just given any sports-literate moron 200 MILLION DOLLARS(!!!) to hire 20-30 decent ballplayers and a competent coaching staff we shouldn’t expect to win, like 90 games?”  [again, Tigers and Mets fans, The Venuist feels your pain]

More suspiciously, this Granderson deal, on the heels of the story that he deliberately left phony notes on his hotel room desk to mess with reporters, has finally brought The Venuist to a state of grudging respect for Brian Cashman.  Ye Gods!

Theo Epstein, the mindful and reluctant (?) head of Luchino Corp.


[[Aside: could there EVER be a more perfectly appropriate name for the GM of the New York Yankees than “CASH-MAN?” I mean really, it’s like a headline out of the Daily Planet: “Cash-man Purchases A-Rod, (Sports) World Trembles.”  Story on page C1 by ace reporter Brian Bruney.  BTW – In this scenario we can only suppose that Larry Luchino would represent Lex Luther.]]

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