"Reflections on an Old-Fashioned Beatdown", or, "Top Reasons Why The Venuist Loves the 2009 Philadelphia Phillies"

Phillies Giants Baseball

Da Real Numba One Blood

I have them since game 1 of the NL playoffs.  My only hope being that the Sox (the ones with the Red Stockings, of course) could mustle and bamboozle their way into the show  to face ’em.  Ladies and Gents, I’m talking about your 2009 Phillies.  T*V’s Benson had the Dodgers and a lot of more respectable outlets have been touting the Angels (mostly after they dismantled the Sox) and the Yankees from word one.  Not yours truly.

Now, I am gonna say this for the last time: The Yanks could tear off four wins in a row (including three straight in Philly) and take it all home and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.  But I don’t see it happening.  And what happened last night, that was as classic a case of complete domination as has been seen in this year’s playoffs.  

And while J-Roll is the emotional leader of this Phillies squad, if Cliff Lee has not ascended to the status – unofficially at least – of “THE MAN” in all of greater Philadelphia then there’s no hope left for every cheese-steak-scarfing sports-afficionado in that once-proud metropolis of yore. 

And now on to The Venuist’s newest feature, which we’d like to call “Top Reasons.”

Top Reasons to Like the 2009 New York Yankees (or at least to fake it):

1. You really like money.

2. Your significant other really likes money and/or the New York Yankees.

3. You suffered the misfortune of being born into, or being reared by, a ra-ra Yankees-centric household.

4. You’re still smarting from the loss of your beloved Brooklyn Dodgers and haven’t yet bothered to check out those young upstarts who play ball out in Flushing (but you’re seriously thinking about it).

5. You’re tired of reading columns wherein The Venuist endlessly bigs-up the Red Sox and Phillies and are picking the Yanks to spite me.

6. You both like money and have money residing on the Yankees winning it all this year.

APTOPIX Phillies Indians Baseball

Neither beast nor man nor bat-on-ball can phell these Phillies

Top Reasons to like the 2009 Phillies (or at least, like them insofar as to rout them on happily at a bar and then walk home unaffected once the outcome of the game has been determined, not that I’d know what that’s like):

1. Because you’re not a Mets Fan but you love Mr. Met (honestly, who doesn’t?) and the Phanatic is the next best thing to Sage of Citi Field in all of his spherical-noggin’d glory.

2. Because you tried to think of 10 reasons to like the 2009 Yankees and gave up after just 6 (and let’s be honest, you phoned in most of those).

3. Because “Chase Utley is a robot…a baseball robot!!!”

4. Because you like the way J-Roll rolls (didn’t it feel great watching him make an ass out of Matsui last night on that double-play? In fact, can’t we all agree that Jimmy’s officially risen to the hallowed grounds of people who should be allowed talk about themselves in the mythical third person? Like Bob Dole, Mr. T, and Ricky Henderson? I mean, how great would this be? “Well, J-Roll just thought J-Roll could fake the routine double-play and fake that Godzilla dude into thinking J-Roll already tagged him out when J-Roll tagged second.” Priceless).

5. Because it feels great to see Cliff Lee outduel his much-better-known former teammates.

6. Because you’re a Red Sox fan (born, raised, or even if you’re from the Midwest and just went to school at Holy Cross, Harvard, or BU) and they remind you of the 2004 Sox, the single most entertaining baseball team since…the early ’90s, er, Phillies.

7. It’s fun to play: “What do you reckon, is Ryan Howard going to strike out or hit a home-run?”  each and every time dude comes to the plate.

8. Because Philly phans have suffered enough, historically (and you want your favorite NFL to continue to be able to beat the Eagles in big games and not feel guilty about it).

9. Your an Angels fan and if you take your glasses off and walk to the far end of the room you can make-pretend the Angels’ Angels are playing instead of the Philly Phillies.

10. Shane Victorino’s baseball helmet.

-T*V

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  1. […] learning that a “pitcher dude who was really good for the Indians” — i.e. Cliff Lee, a player which the Angels may have acquired themselves with the right package of prospects going to […]



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